Discovering yourself!

It's weird to think that the person you are is not necessarily the person God intended you to be. I'm currently on a journey of discovery and am finding out some revolutionary things about myself. For so long I've been quiet, shy, reserved, unable to express emotion but seen as strong. This has always been who I am. That was the way God made me. This is how I thought it was going to be and I had to make the most of it, but since I allowed God to really enter my life 2 years ago, I've found that a lot of these character/personality types have been shaped and reinforced by experience (mostly negative) and my own defeatist attitude to life and to God's ability to change me. As I've let go of this version of myself, I'm finding my true self, the person I'm created to be, which seems to be more like I was as a child. Carefree, up to mischief, enjoying life, enjoying others, constantly learning, trusting my Daddy. It was in my teenage years where this was shut down by rejection and peer pressure. To have emotion was not cool. To express a different view was to be alienated. So I became a bit of a recluse or loner. Kept my head down. Said little. No emotion. Left alone. Content. But ultimately I was killing my soul and my heart was being blocked, leading to a mind driven personality. Controlled. Calculated. Safe. Or so I thought.

Jesus talked about a bit about this to his followers. He told them that to find life, they must lose it. I've always thought that this meant denying myself and choosing the hard or difficult option or even giving up the things I enjoy (which may be part of the process), but am instead finding that it is more about letting go of the person I've created and letting God speak into my identity, which is in Christ. This brings life to the full as I let go of the baggage that has held me down out of familiarity and comfort and embrace the unknown, which is scary, but worth it.

One such discovery I am currently making is that I'm actually an extrovert rather than an introvert. This may shock some of you, but I do get my energy from company and find that I learn best with others. I've always thought that because I'm not always loud and am comfortable on my own (which I am grateful for) that it made me an introvert, but have found that those things don't really give me life. Of course I like my own space and need to get away sometimes, but don't we all. Living in community has taught me how much I love and need others in my life and how important they are to my growth and maturity.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the person you are is not the final product. Its not a case of taking stock and just getting on with life. Its more than likely that the person you think you are has been created and controlled by external events, which have caused you to build walls around your heart, preventing God from working there, and you feel like this is how its always going to be and to ask God for change would sound ungrateful and scary. Let's face it, we find comfort in familiarity, even when we know its not good for us (a quick shout out to all you smokers out there).

My prayer and challenge to you is that you would ask God the difficult question of 'Do you see me in the way that I see myself' and allow God to answer. Then be prepared to let go of the person that has been created by the world around you and allow God to speak into you and breath life over your dry bones and unblock the wells of your heart. Change comes by Grace alone and our willingness to receive it. We cannot change ourselves, but we can put oursleves in positions for that to happen. Prayer is a good place to start.

Let God take you on a journey of discovery!

Grace and peace be with you always.