Painful Questions

Life is hard. Life is painful. Life can change in a moment.

In the past few weeks, many of my friends have experienced situations that have left them with painful questions;

How could God allow this to happen?

I thought He loved me?

Will life get any better?

Is He angry with me?

How can I move on from here?

How can I trust Him again?

I feel that I should have the answers, but often I don't. Their questions cause me to question too. Where is God in all of this mess?

What I do recognise, is that these painful questions are prayers. Even when it feels like God has let us down and left us, we still call out to him. Even when we tell ourselves He doesn't exist, we want to believe He does.

My friend Pete wrote a book called 'God On Mute' about his struggle with unanswered prayer and the suffering it brings. I highly recommend it. Honest, humble, yet full of hope.

Magnify!

Click on the link for more info!

Peter Hitchens Interview

Check out this video by a guy called Peter Hitchens, as he talks about his journey to faith.

Disillusionment

We will all have times in our lives where we feel slightly uneasy and disillusioned about life.

These are often times when we have stopped to reflect and often compare ourselves with others, or the person we hoped to be. We may have had dreams and aspirations, but have found ourselves on a path that we didn't expect or necessarily wanted to follow. This can sometimes occur through bad decisions that may have been made by ourselves or by others on our behalf, but most of the time it seems that it's just the way life is!

It's a scary and disorienting time and can lead us to making drastic decisions and changes in a bid to rescue what we feel we have lost or missed out on. This could range from buying a sports car, a career change, going sky diving or in a worst case scenario divorce or suicide where even life itself has been questioned.

We may also feel disillusioned by people or systems that we trust, which is a major factor for political upheavals and/or wars. Of course, governments would rather people didn't question the status quo and make every effort to keep up the illusion that they know what they are doing and have everything under control!

For those who are people of faith, it can lead to very big questions about the meaning of life too. Where is God? Is there a God? How could He let this happen? Does He care?

So what does disillusionment mean?

"a freeing or a being freed from illusion or conviction."

So to be disillusioned is to be freed, but from what?

- Illusion -"something that deceives by producing a false or misleading impression of reality."

- Conviction - "a fixed or firm belief."

This definition seems to suggest that the process of disillusionment is a positive experience. It suggests that we have been believing a lie and that through this process we are able to see through it. But often, this experience leads to fear and insecurity as we begin to see that everything we have banked on in life, can't actually support us. A recent example may be the recession and the failings of the banks.

So who can we trust? Who can we turn to for the real answers? Where can we find truth?

Jesus would often start his sentences with the phrase "I tell you the truth..." He could obviously see people who were a little disillusioned with life and were looking for answers. They may have been disillusioned with the Romans who ruled over them or the religious systems that demanded so much from them or things had happened in their life that had forced them to ask questions. They were looking for a way of life that would be fulfilling and not oppressive, but also attainable.

Jesus also described Himself as 'the truth' (John 14:6) and pointed to the Holy Spirit as someone who 'would guide into all truth' (John 16:13). God is revealing Himself as someone we can trust, someone we can pin our hopes on, someone who will not let us down, someone we won't be deceived by.

So why is it then that we sometimes feel disillusioned with God?

If we go back to the definition, it would seem that this would leave us open to questioning God as a firm belief in our lives. What if it's all been a lie? What if there is no God and all the decisions I've made have been for nothing? Have I been wasting time?

But what if our disillusionment was not with God Himself, rather a god we have created?

This is why I think disillusionment in the Christian faith is such a healthy process, as we strip back all of the periphery stuff and get to the heart of the matter. We question who God is, what the church is about, why we take part in the practices we do, why there is suffering, and who we are in the midst of all that.

I believe that when we come to that place, we will get answers to our questions. We may find that a lot of the things we thought about God and what it means to follow Jesus were illusions and that God is leading us through disillusionment, in order to find the truth in Jesus.

Are we a Church that encourages and supports those who are disillusioned or do we label them as bad apples that may cause problems?

Are we willing to be childlike and ask the big questions without an agenda behind it?

Are you willing to be 'changed by the renewing of your mind' (Romans 12:2)?

I'm sure there are many more things I could write on this, but here are my initial thoughts. Would love to open a conversation on the comments page if anyone wants to join?

What are your experiences of disillusionment?

Have you ever seen it as a positive process?

e.t.c, e.t.c...

Real Life Starts Now

Having just written my last blog post, I listened to this podcast by friends in the States, which I think compliments and supports what I have been feeling well.

http://campusamerica.org/assets/178/original/Addressing_the_lie_that_real_life_starts_later.mp3

Being Present

What do you think of when you think of the future? How does it make you feel?

I'm someone who likes to have plans and answers to questions.

I'm more comfortable with things being completed and decisions being made, then open ended situations.

I like it when there is clarity and when there are goals to achieve.

I like order and the ability to clearly communicate what I am internally processing.

So when I think of the future, it causes me to panic slightly.

Why?

There is no definite. I can make plans, but they often change. Basically, I can't control my future.

So, during my unexpected break that was last week, I found myself asking God a lot of questions about the future.

What job will I have? Where will I live? Who will I be living with? etc, etc.

In my search for answers, I just found myself getting more and more worked up and frustrated as the questions branched out to other questions. I started to get down on myself, wondering if I'd wasted my life so far, wondering what I had actually achieved, which lead to the question of whether there is a God after all!

Once I'd finished my little moan, I felt God remind me again of the simplicity and beauty of his calling for each one of us;

John 15:12 - "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you."

This command of Jesus to His disciples reminds us that there is a world around us. A world that gives us the opportunity to love, just as Jesus loves us. In the midst of my despair, I had been focussing solely on myself and was begining to get lost in the future, which I might not even reach.

The command to love others daily calls us to be present in the world around us.

In the midst of my worrying, I had become camped in the future, where people and situations are fictitous and are dictated by my emotions and imagination. Jesus knew this would be a problem and so encouraged His followers by saying;

²⁵"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life^{b]" style=" line-height: 0.5em; ">[b]}?

²⁸"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ³²For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Each day has enough trouble and opportunities to seek first His kingdom, that we shouldn't be concerned by the future. Of course, it's good to have dreams and goals in life, but hold them lightly. Don't get so lost in them that you neglect those you live with or next to; those you work and socialise with; those that you walk past everyday.

It's made me realise that there are so many opportunities to love each day, but often I miss out because I'm distracted by the fear of tomorrow.

The danger with not being present is that we will never commit to anyone or anywhere in case something better turns up or it doesn't fit with our plans.

But how will we learn and grow if we don't engage in the immediate world around us?

It may be true that you feel led to live in a foreign country in a couple of years, but does that stop you loving your neighbour today? Does that stop you being a voice for the voiceless in your community today? Does that stop you discipling the young people on your streets today?

As always, our great example of being present and loving daily is God Himself in the person of Jesus.

John 1:14 - ¹⁴The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.

God chose to limit Himself and put on our skin, so that He could love us in a way that could be reproduced. His mission was ultimately to die for the sins of the world, but that didn't stop Him loving the people He was around everyday, bringing the Kingdom of God to earth.

It doesn't matter if you don't feel 'equipped' or not, because Jesus has left us the Holy Spirit and He lives and works in and through us. Don't let the lie that you are not good enough hold you back from loving well!

The challenge for us is to look around a bit more each day and say to God "Who can I love today? Let your Kingdom come!" and allow each day to become a piece of a jigsaw that God is putting together, without us having to worry about what the picture is!

Note - Learn what the best way to love the people around you are and do them, whether that's washing the dishes or leaving cards. It takes a little bit of effort, but it's worth it! Don't just assume everyone gives and receives love the same way you do, although ultimately it is a heart thing and not a formula!

If God could do that...

I was reminded of and encouraged by this Philip Yancey quote today;

‘There are two ways to look at human history, I have concluded. One way is to focus on the wars and violence, the squalor, the pain and tragedy and death. From such a point of view, Easter seems a fairy-tale exception, a stunning contradiction in the name of God … There is another way to look at the world. If I take Easter as the starting point, the one incontrovertible fact about how God treats those whom we loves, then human history becomes the contradiction and Easter a preview of ultimate reality. Hope then flows like lava beneath the crust of daily life. This, perhaps, describes the change in the disciples’ perspective as they sat in locked rooms discussing the incomprehensible events of Easter Sunday. In one sense nothing had changed: Rome still occupied Palestine … death and evil still reigned outside. Gradually, however, the shock of recognition gave way to a long slow undertow of joy. If God could do that …’

What now?

As the dust cloud continues to cause chaos across Europe, many people's plans for the coming week are looking slightly different and ever more unpredictable then before. For many, I imagine, this is a frustrating time as they need to return to work, meet that friend they haven't seen for a while or just have a shower, but I'd like to think (as the dust settles!), we could see this as a moment of opportunity in our different situations.

In a world that is becoming ever more ordered and predictable, how to we cope with unexpected change?

For me personally, my week looks a lot different as a course I was due to be hosting has been postponed due to half of the attendees being stuck in Ireland. This has left me asking the question 'What now?', which I don't think is a bad thing.

I'm suddenly looking to God for what to do with this free time.

Where does He want me? Who can I be praying for? Who can I serve? Where do I go from here?

The shame is, I should really be asking these questions on a daily basis, but unfortunately I don't, as the diary fills up and my agenda takes over. This is why an enforced 'Sabbath' every so often isn't a bad thing (normally for me it's illness so this makes a nice change!).

I'm not saying God has planned this volcano to go off so that we can all learn a few lessons, but there do seem to be a few we can learn from this situation.

We are not in control, it is God who directs our steps and everyday is an opportunity for us to follow his direction, not just when we feel we need it.

So my challenge for you (whether you have been affected by the ash or not) is to ask 'What now?' of God. What does He want your week to look like? Who can you love and prefer this week? How can His Kingdom come in your situation?

Be prepared for a little adventure!

(I would love to hear of any stories that do come out of this!)

Do you trust me?

Do you trust me?

Do you trust me when the future seems unsure?

Do you trust me when you don't have the answers?

Do you trust me when your own thoughts and feelings conflict?

Do you trust me when nothing seems to be going right?

Do you trust me when life seems to have hit a dead end?

Do you trust me that I have your best intentions in mind?

Do you trust me that I know you better then you know yourself?

Do you trust me enough to let go, instead of taking control?

Do you trust me?

The importance of story!

Here is a great talk by Don Miller on the power and importance of story in our lives.

http://vimeo.com/10161522

What is your passion?

Over the last few weeks, I've found myself having a few conversations around the area of 'passion'. Most people I have spoken to have expressed a concern that they either don't have a passion or don't see themselves as passionate people. This is something I used to think of myself too, until I looked at what the word 'passion' actually meant;

Passion: from the Latin verb patior, meaning to suffer or to endure.

I always thought that unless you were a person who was always clenching their fist and shouting 'Come on!' (think Tim Henman), you weren't a passionate person or weren't passionate about what you did. Now those actions can be responses to a passion, but they are not what defines the passion.

When we look at this definition, we see that passion is rooted in suffering and the willingness to endure it.

To be passionate is to be willing to endure suffering and to have a passion for something or someone is to endure that suffering for the sake of it.

We all have things in our life that we are willing to spend most of our time, money and energy on, whether that be our families, our football team or cooking for people. We are willing to endure the suffering of going that extra mile in order to persue that activity or person because we are passionate about it.

If you are someone who struggles to find their passion in life, then it's often helpful to ask someone else, as they will be able to see what you are willing to suffer for (as often they don't see the point in it!).

We are all passionate about something!

As we near Easter, we are reminded that Jesus was willing to endure suffering for us and that He calls us to do the same for those around us. Indeed, the word 'compassion' means 'shared suffering' and as we look out to a world that is suffering, we are called to be there with them in that place, in order that we may bring the hope of the Resurrection that followed.

So, what are you passions? What and who are you willing to suffer for? Are you willing to suffer on behalf of others?

Ask God to reveal His passion for you and for the world around you!

Finding life in our surroundings...

An American businessman was at a pier in a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow-fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied only a little while.

The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish.

The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.

The American then asked the Mexican how he spent the rest of his time.

The Mexican fisherman said, 'I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, senor.'

The American scoffed, 'I have a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and, with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually New York where you will run your expanding enterprise.'

The Mexican fisherman asked, 'But Senor, how long will this all take?'

To which the American replied, 'Fifteen to twenty years.'

'But what then, senor?' asked the Mexican.

The American laughed, and said, 'That's the best part. When the time is right, you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public. You'll become very rich, you would make millions!'

'Millions, senor?' replied the Mexican. 'Then what?'

The American said, 'Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take a siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.'

(Story taken from God360 by Andy Flannagan)

Please don't stop the music!

It only hit me the other day how important music is to my life and to many others! I love to listen to music whenever I can and often find that certain songs remind me of certain times in my life. When revising for exams, I couldn't concentrate unless I was listening to music, although in all honesty, there is always a song playing in my head (hence the constant air drums)!

It always amazes me how music (and singing) can often take us to a deeper level of fun, celebration and, at times, sorrow! It has the ability to heighten our awareness towards our emotions and gives them an avenue in which to express themselves, whether that's in song, playing or through dance (we can all dance!).

I love the way God has given us the ability to be creative and in particular to explore this phenomenon we call music!

Ecclesiastes

I think Ecclesiastes is becoming one of my most favourite books of the Old Testament. For many, it is unpopular as it seems very negative and pessimistic, but I find it touches on the deepest question of all;

'What is life all about?'

The writer of the book is believed to be King Solomon, who was the 3rd king of Israel after Saul and his father David. He had inherited much from his father, but built on it further with wise political decisions. His reign started well, with the building of the Temple and his proclamation of God being at the centre of their Kingdom, but as he acquired more wealth, wives and horses (which kings were warned about in Deuteronomy), his focus soon became blurred.

So at the end of his prosperous and what would seem on the surface, successful life, we find him writing the book of Ecclesiastes as he reflects on what has been.

1:2 - "Everything is meaningless," says the teacher, "completely meaningless!"

This is not the sort of start you would expect from a great leaders autobiography!

But, after explaining that everything he has tried (wealth, jobs, wisdom, companionship) left him feeling hopeless, he concludes in verse 13 of chapter 12;

"Here now is my final conclusion: Fear God and obey his commands, for this is everyone's duty."

At the end of his life, Solomon can see that life is short and many of the things we seek and desire from the world around us are temporary and ultimately unfulfilling, but that with an understanding of God and the things he asks us to do in this life and in the hope we have after, we find meaning and fulfilment.

Check out Ecclesiastes for yourself and try and read it through the eyes of your friends and family who are searching for meaning in life.

Maybe that person is you?

Life is meaningless...without the meaning and worth that Jesus has given it!

Boenhoffer on Disillusionment with Community...

"Inumerable times a whole Christian community has broken down because it had sprung from a wish dream. The serious Christian, set down for the first time in a Christian community, is likely to bring with him a very definite idea of what Christian life together should be and try to realize it. But God's grace speedily shatters such dreams. Just as surely as God desires to lead us to knowledge of genuine Christian fellowship, so surely must we be overwhelmed by a great disillusionment with others, with Christians in general, and, if we are fortunate, with ourselves.

By sheer grace, God will not permit us to live even for a brief period in a dream world. He does not abandon us to those rapturous experiences and lofty moods that come over us like a dream. God is not a God of the emotions but the God of truth. Only that fellowship which faces such disillusionment, with all its unhappy and ugly aspects, begins to be what it should be in God's sight, begins to grasp in faith the promise that is given to it. The sooner this shock of disillusionment comes to an individual and to a community the better for both. A community which cannot bear and cannot survive such a crisis, which insists upon keeping its illusion when it should be shattered, permanently loses in that moment the promise of Christian community. Sooner or later it will collapse. Every human wish dream that is injected into the Christian community is a hinderance to genuine community and must be banished if genuine community is to survive. He who loves his dream of a community more than the Christian community itself becomes a destroyer of the latter, even though his personal intetntions may be ever so honest and earnest and sacrificial.

God hates visionary dreaming; it makes the dreamer proud and pretentious. The man who fashions a visionary ideal of community demands that it be realized by God, by others and by himself. He enters the community of Christians with his demands, sets up his own law, and judges the brethren and God Himself accordingly. He stands adamant, a living reproach to all others in the cirlce of brethren. He acts as if he is the creator of the Christian community, as if his dream binds men together. When things do not go his way, he calls the effort a failure. When his ideal picture is destroyed, he sees the community going to smash. So he becomes, first an accuser of his brethren, then an accuser of God, and finally the despairing accuser of himself.

Because God has already laid the only foundation of our fellowship, because God has bound us together in one body with other Christians in Jesus Christ, long before we entered into common life with them, we enter into that common life not as demanders but as thankful recipients. We thank God for what He has done for us. We thank God for giving us brethren who live by His call, by His forgiveness and His promise. We do not complain of what God does not give us; we rather thank God for what He does give us daily. And is not what he has been given us enough: brothers, who will go on living with us through sin and need under the blessing of His grace? Is the divine gift of Christian fellowship anything less than this, any day, even the most difficult and distressing day? Even when sin and misunderstanding burden the communal life, is not the sinning brother still a brother, with whom I, too, stand under the Word of Christ? Will not his sin be a constant occasion for me to give thanks that both of us may live in the forgiving love of God in Jesus Christ? Thus the very hour of disillusionment with my brother becomes incomparably salutary, because it so thoroughly teaches me that neither of us can ever live by our own words and deeds, but only by that one Word and Deed which really binds us together - the forgiveness of sins in Jesus Christ. When the morning mists of dreams vanish, then dawns the bright day of Christian fellowship."

Jean Vanier on Authority...

"The role of authority can only be understood if it is seen as one of the many gifts or ministries which we need to build a community. It is, of course, a very important gift, because the community's well being and growth depend to a great extent on the way it is exercised. But too often authority is seen as the only gift; the role of everyone else in the community is seen simply as obedience to it. This, however, is an industrial or military model of authority. In a community, authority needs to be exercised in a completely different way. The leaders do not have a monopoly on insights and gifts; their role on the contrary, is to help all the community's members to exercise their own gifts for the good of the whole. A community can only become a harmonious whole, with 'one heart, one soul, one spirit', if all its members are exercising their own gifts fully. If the model of their relationship to authority is worker to boss, or soldier to officer, then there is no understanding of what community means."

Community and Growth

I'm currently reading 'Community and Growth' by Jean Vanier. It's a great book based on his experience of living with others in intentional community houses with the mentally handicapped and their helpers over the last 50 years or so. He has some excellent insights and the wisdom he brings comes from experince rather than just theory. I've found it very challenging.

There are many quotes I could write, but one that really struck me the other day is as follows;

"If we are in community only to 'do things', it's daily life will not nourish us; we will be constantly thinking ahead, because we can always find something urgent to be done. If we live in a poor neighbourhood or with people in distress, we are constantly challenged. Daily life is only nourishing when we have discovered the wisdom of the present moment and the presence of God in small things. It is only nourishing when we have given up fighting reality and accept it, discovering the message and gift of the moment. If we see housework, or cooking simply as chores which have to be got through, we will get tired and irritable; we will not be able to see the beauty around us. But if we discover that we live with God and our brothers and sisters through what has to be done in the present moment, we become peaceful. We stop looking to the future; we take time to live. We are no longer in a hurry because we have discovered that there is gift and grace in the present of the book-keeping, the meetings, the chores and the welcome."

As I've made an effort to slow down and be thankful to God for the simple things of the day, I've found that I have experienced the peace that Vanier talks about.

A lot of what I do in my job is planning for the future and looking ahead and I often forget to acknowledge the present. I mainly find this with regards to relationships. If the person in front of me isn't going to help me achieve my goal, then I don't often give them time and effort.

I live very strongly with agendas that are future focused.

I struggle to live in the mundane mess of everyday.

But I want to. I want to be thankful for the simple things. I want to live in the moment more. This doesn't mean I don't think or plan for the future, but it shouldn't come at the expense of the joys of today.

Each day is a gift that I'm keen to enjoy!

Old stuff...

I found this poem on my myspace page (does everyone remember myspace, poor dabs!), which must have been written about 4 years ago. I think it still describes where I am pretty well;

Deeper than I dare know.
Struggling to keep myself on track.
Clinging to the one I know will Love.
Daring to move into the unknown so that I may know life.
Desperate for more than I've known.
Simple life.
Complex world.
Finding the balance of seclusion and exposure.
Unlocking others.
Standing strong with weak knees.
Focus on the unchangable.
Pulled into comfort.
Battling to stay out.
Trying to live up to the status I have been given.
Laughing all the while.
Waiting in anticipation for what is ahead........