I've been thinking a lot about my future recently (as I am often guilty of just drifting without thought) and realised that, in the process, I had started to worry about it. The reason, I concluded, was that I had become the centre of my thoughts and not God. As soon as I became the focus, things started to look impossible and hopeless. I started to compare myslef with others and think thoughts like 'Have I made the right choices in the past?'. This is what the nation of Israel did very quickly after they left Egypt, and it didn't do them any favours!
One of the things that often gets me down is not having money, not so that I'm rich, but so I can use it well and give etc. I've just finished reading a book called "Daring to Live on the Edge" by Loren Cunningham, which I highly reccomend, and he talks about faith and finance, and how we all need to operate our finances in faith (especially in the current financial climate). What he reminded me is that you don't need loads of money to give, you just need money. The reason we don't give when we don't have much is that we are scared of not getting it back. We are scared that we will be the one's without, yet God promises to provide for our needs. It's a real challenge for me at the moment as God asks me to give with the little I have.
It's been a good process to come back to God and give him my future again and just say I trust Him (especially with my finances). That doesn't mean I don't have dreams and desires (it's fun to dream), but I have to choose to believe that God knows best and will work it out in his timing.
It's not always easy following God, and indeed the word passion means suffering, so I suppose it should come as no surprise that if we have a passion for Jesus, it will involve suffering at some level!
